12 Things Highly Sensitive Women Need to be Healthy & Happy
Today I will be sharing the 12 things that I believe sensitive women need to be healthy and happy and to fully thrive.
We will be exploring:
Self-love as a foundation for our empowerment and fulfillment
Energetic health and enjoyment as components of self-care
Allowing ourselves to embrace and relax into our true feminine natures
The importance of stability and security for the sensitive woman
And other key pillars to our health and happiness!
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HSPs, highly sensitive person, highly sensitive people, highly sensitive women, empaths, introverts, feminine energy, feminine empowerment
Firstly, I want to clarify that what I mean by happiness is living a full life. And a full life is not the absence of pain, darkness or contraction. These things are a natural part of life, and I believe that shaming or resisting them is not healthy or empowering and creates more suffering. What I feel that we truly desire is to live a rich, full and balanced life. And here are some things that really support sensitive women to do that, and that I believe are requirements for us to thrive.
(1) Self Love - This is first and foremost, and it includes self-trust, self-compassion and self-esteem. Everything else in life stems from our inner work - our relationship with ourselves. We become powerful through self-responsibility and remembering who we are - in our fullness - that is, the light and the dark. This means knowing and accepting who we really are. "I love my shadow as I love my light, for all things are transformed in love", said my mentor Elayne doughty. So we must learn to trust and honor ourselves by staying connected to our truth - listening to our bodies, our emotions and our intuition, which is our internal guidance system. Releasing our shame, unworthiness and other blocks is actually one of the most unselfish things that we can do, because it allows us to become the most powerful version of ourselves, enabling us to serve at the highest level. Radical self-love and self-esteem is a powerful initiation and devotional path, and the highest level of self-responsibility, because it means that we are remembering our divinity as well as the divinity in others.
(2) Plentiful Self-care - Sensitive women require more self-care than most people in order to thrive, and they need more down-time than most people. This includes taking care of our physical, emotional, mental, energetic and spiritual health. Just like anyone, we need basic things like exercise, healthy eating and a healthy mindset, and these things can have a greater impact on us. I will talk more about energetic health and our relationship to the sacred in a bit, as these parts of self-care are particularly important for sensitive women. Another big part of our self-care is nourishment and enjoyment. I think that enjoyment is very underrated. We need plenty of rest and rejuvenation to nourish us, and enjoyment is important for us because women’s bodies are built for enjoyment and pleasure - we need plenty of oxytocin and happy hormones to balance out stress hormones and keep us healthy and balanced. When I talk about the importance of enjoyment, I’m talking about authentic pleasure, meaning I’m talking about pleasure that truly nourishes us - not empty pleasures that ultimately drain us, such as eating too much sugar or other addictive behaviors that may give us a rush of short term pleasure but don’t nourish us. Pleasure can be a triggering word for some of us, I believe because we have been taught that pleasure is either a luxury and something that we are not worthy of or something shameful. It is very powerful for us to become aware of this belief and work to dismantle it, because we have a lot of heavy programming around suffering and scarcity, and pleasure is actually our birth right, and an important part of our self-care and self-love.
(3) Feminine Allowance - I’ve called this one feminine allowance because it’s about allowing ourselves to be in our true feminine nature. It’s not that we’re trying to "be feminine", it's about learning how to soften and relax into our feminine natures, which is to say that it’s about allowing ourselves to be authentic, natural and dynamic - because the feminine is very dynamic. Most people living in a female body have a feminine essence - that is, at their core they have a more feminine nature or feminine soul. Living in a more masculine energy world, we tend to get pulled into our masculine energy a lot of the time, and we often get stuck in this more rigid, survival mode way of being. This can be very draining and disempowering for sensitive women, because this puts a lot of strain on the nervous system, and it is very stifling for the feminine spirit. Our body and spirit do best when they can rest in a more feminine energy state more often - when we allow ourselves to soften into our feminine - it actually makes us happier and healthier. A female body is not designed for chronic stress, pushing and constant doing. We are currently seeing an epidemic of women experiencing burnout, anxiety, depression and overall dissatisfaction with their lives because their feminine essence is not being nourished and honored. Female illnesses are on the rise, and women today report less happiness than they did before the feminist movement when it became the norm for women to work full time out of the home, competing as men in a masculine environment.
(4) Supportive Tools & Practices - Every empowered sensitive woman has tools and regular practices. These are essentially self-regulation practices and daily routines to balance the nervous system, reduce overwhelm and quiet the mind such as breath work, meditation, yoga, and other relaxation techniques that can help sensitive women stay grounded, centered and present amidst the chaos of daily life. A Morning Routine in particular is something which I believe to be a must for the health and happiness of sensitive women, because the way we begin our day sets the tone for the rest of our day. I have a free guide to morning routines for sensitive women that you can find here. Just the way that warriors have to train regularly to stay in fighting condition, we also have to train if we want to keep ourselves in top condition - to keep ourselves balanced, centered and grounded.
(5) Alone time - We need alone time to stay centered and grounded, especially if they are introverted. Because we are so sensitive to other people and our environments, we tend to lose ourselves easily, get pulled off center, and become overwhelmed more easily. so it’s important that we take time out each day to connect with ourselves and reduce stimulation. It is recommended that we take at least 2 hours total of unstructured, quiet alone time every day to decompress, process and unwind. This may seem like a lot, but if you want to be at your best, then it’s important to prioritize down time, especially if you are stressed, overwhelmed or burned out. Just make sure that you are actually taking a break from stimulation and productivity - meditation or gentle exercise are good ways, spending time in nature, or just doing nothing, taking a nap and letting your mind wander.
(6) A Healthy Environment - More than most people, sensitive women really need a healthy and supportive environment. Again, because we are so sensitive to our surroundings and we tend to absorb what’s in our environment, we need to surround ourselves with people, places and energy that make us feel good and don’t drag us down. We need to be discerning if we want to be at our best, and avoid negative, draining people as well as places that overwhelm us. Our home especially should be a calm and nourishing sanctuary - a place where we can rejuvenate after being in the chaotic world around us.
(7) Healthy Boundaries - Boundaries tend to be a huge game changer for us. We often struggle with setting healthy boundaries and saying no to others, but it's essential for our well-being and empowerment. It’s important to identify what we need and want and then learn to prioritize those things, rather than focusing on other people’s needs and wants. It’s important that we learn to “self” more, as my mentor Annie Lalla calls it, that is… becoming more inwardly focused, rather than externally focused. I call it healthy self-importance - remembering to put ourselves first and remember that it’s not our responsibility to please and caretake everyone else. Our responsibility is to discover who we are, what we need and then prioritize our well being by setting boundaries and saying no when we need to. In a very basic sense, healthy boundaries means staying grounded in ourselves and in our own bodies - not abandoning ourselves which is often what we have been conditioned to do.
(8) Authentic, Supportive Relationships - Sensitive women tend to value intimacy and deep connections with others, so having close relationships with people who support, understand and accept us is important. If we are surrounded by people who can’t understand us, it often ends up making us feel broken or flawed, which only makes everything worse, so it’s important to be around other sensitive women who can empathize and normalize our experience. And we also need to surround ourselves with people who uplift us and don’t drain us. We tend to be more conscientious than the average person, so it really helps to be around other kind, considerate people who will take self-responsibility. We must learn to stop tolerating toxic behavior from others, and distance ourselves from people who drain or abuse us if necessary. We really need and deserve kindness and respect and to feel safe in our relationships. We also need relationships that support us emotionally and spiritually: Sensitive women are naturally very emotional beings - in the brains of HSPs we find more activity in emotional responsiveness and vividness. This is part of our beauty and strength, because we tend to have high relational and emotional intelligence. And so, we need relationships that can support us on that level, because we are heart-centered. When we share our feelings, we need to feel validated and supported. Having someone to listen and provide comfort can help us feel seen and heard. Not only do we need emotional support from others, but even more importantly, we need it from ourselves - it’s empowering for us to embrace our emotions and recognize that they are not shameful, but actually valuable and wise messengers from our higher selves. The more we honor and listen to our emotions, the more balanced they will become because we aren’t suppressing or shaming them, and the more empowered we will become as we listen to this internal guidance system. So, we need authentic relationships that reflect our value and honor us as heart-centered, vulnerable and compassionate women.
(9) Creative Outlets - We tend to be very creative, especially when we are balanced and connected to our vitality. Many sensitive women find creative expression to be a powerful tool for processing, releasing tension and balancing the supporting the nervous system. This can be in our work, or just in hobbies we may have. If we find that we have lost touch with our creativity, this is often a sign that we have become overwhelmed or burned out, and that we may need to reevaluate our lifestyle and see how we can better support ourselves and prioritize self-care. Our creativity is very much linked with our health and happiness.
(10) Meaningful Work or Purpose - Sensitive women really need to be engaged in meaningful work, service or contribution. This could be a career or it could be something else like motherhood, but it’s best if we can occupy ourselves with something that is aligned with our values, passions and gifts. We usually thrive in environments that allow us to make a difference in the world and connect with others on a deeper level. Unfortunately, it can often be difficult for us to find our place in society, because we often don’t do well in regular 9-5 jobs, because most work environments are not designed for sensitive people or introverts. In fact, I find that regular jobs like those in a corporate environment for example, are often quite painful for sensitive women, and we can feel quite trapped and drained, especially if it is a high stress or toxic sort of environment. Sometimes it’s better if we can find a job that allows us to work from home or pursue building a business of our own, which is something that we can actually excel at if we approach it the right way.
(11) Stability - This is not something I hear discussed often in the realm of High Sensitivity, but I strongly believe that sensitive women need stability, security and safety to fully thrive. We also need resources. Because we have sensitive nervous systems, we are not able to thrive without a solid base and a sense of safety and consistency. And we need resources to take care of ourselves properly and to enjoy life. Sadly, it is often challenging for sensitive women to achieve the security and abundance that we crave, due to our struggle with issues like overwhelm, unworthiness, poor boundaries, poor health and living in a chaotic, sociopathic world. Our gifts and vitality often become buried underneath chronic stress and overwhelm. This is why it is so important and powerful for us to learn about the trait of high sensitivity, learn to honor our feminine natures and get support and discover the tools that can help us to make gradual shifts towards empowering ourselves. One step at a time, we will rise up!
(12) Connection to the Sacred - We are spiritual beings. We are naturally gifted when it comes to spiritual leadership and the spiritual realms, and we need to maintain a connection to the Sacred and to our own sacredness, in whatever way works best for us. Whether this be through a religious practice, or meditation or embodiment or our creativity or just time spent in nature. One way is through our connection to nature, and I believe all sensitive women need to connect with the earth, because this is very grounding, centering and healing. Being in nature can have a calming effect on us, helping to soothe overstimulated senses and restore a sense of balance. Studies have shown that spending time in nature increases our Heart Coherence, which is a state of cooperative alignment between the heart, mind, emotions and physical systems, basically I understand it to be the coherence or harmony of the heart’s electromagnetic field.